Atonement by LK Shaw

Author:LK Shaw [Shaw, L.K.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: LK Shaw

Chapter 17

It was times like these that the loneliness felt overwhelming. I stared around my empty living room. There weren’t any family photos. No picture of a girlfriend’s trip to the beach. In fact, my whole house seemed almost sterile. The closest friend I had was the giant fur ball sitting in my lap. Had it always been this quiet in here?

The quiet had never bothered me before. Until now. Now that Preston had been inside my house. I’d been tempted to change my sheets this morning, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose his scent quite yet. God, how pitiful I was turning out to be.

Seeing Brody yesterday had freaked me out. I’d see the disappointment in Preston’s eyes, and still, I couldn’t admit to something between us. Why was it so hard for me?

Last night, I’d felt that deep, soul-awakening connection to him. I’d been lying there listening to him breathe, feeling his heartbeat under my hand on his chest. This was what I felt two years ago. The ever present heavy heart I usually experienced was gone. The one thing that was also gone...the guilt.

And then I felt guilty that I’d stopped feeling guilty.

Fuck. Twenty-one years of therapy and I was still just as fucked up now as I was as that thirteen-year-old girl.

I wanted to be courageous. Not just for him, but for myself. And the only one who could change was me. Taking one last look around my living room, I made a decision. “Wish me luck, Sherbie.”

I set him aside, grabbed my coat, and ran out the door. Snow had settled on the ground. And it was still beautiful. Magical. I practically ran the few blocks to the el. I hopped on the train, this weird buzzing sensation in my belly the closer I got. Finally, I arrived. My knuckles connected with the door, and then I opened it. Our eyes locked, and I closed us inside the office together.

“Hi.”

I didn’t move further into the room, unsure of my welcome.

“What do you want, Landon?” Preston asked warily.

His defeated tone and posture hurt my heart. I’d done that to him. Had he given up on us, on me, already? I wouldn’t blame him if he had.

“I fucked up yesterday when Brody showed up.” I inhaled shakily. “I’m sorry. I hurt you, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.”

He remained unmoved, but I kept going.

“I should have said...something. Instead, I did what I always do. And I’m sorry.” I breathed a sigh of relief that I got it out. I hoped it was enough.

Slowly, Preston rose and strode toward me. My eyes drank him in from his broad shoulders to his tapered waist. His ink stood out against his skin, and I pictured all of the other tattoos and marking across his entire body. My fingers itched to touch all of them again. He stopped less than an arm’s length away, and I had to tilt my head up to look into his eyes.

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